I am a dubai driver because….

I am a dubai driver. You wanna know why? Let me list them all out for you

1.Indicators

I know my car comes with indicators. But I reserve the right to change lanes as and when i please without indicators surprising the guy in the other lane.Why should i waste my time to go switch them on and then switch them off after a few seconds. Its my choice!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Tailgating

How close is too close? By law, i should be 1km behind the car in front (I know its an insane calculation). I choose to believe that 1km is the same as 1cm, as long as I ain’t touching his rear bumper.

3. Speeding

Its my God given right to go however fast as i please. Oh, and I would like to slow down for the cameras to give them a chance to take a look at me. But then recently cameras have evolved from those predictable boxes kept every 1km or so. Now they come as spy gadgets and guns. Getting harder to speed as i please. Damn u cops!!!!!!!!

4.Driving license

As far as getting driving licenses are concerned, an average Dubai driver has flunked atleast 10 road tests. Not to mention, i still don’t know how to start a car. Every rule has an exception though, if I’m a woman, i got my license on the 1st or 2nd try. That does not mean I’m a pro. I’m just like everyone else.

5.Pedestrians

I have a car. You don’t. Don’t you dare walk across the road when I’m coming that way. You wanna know why? Cos i Own the road. If i see you crossing, I will speed up like a maniac and then see if u stop thinking of crossing the road. If that fails,my Plan B states that i must make a sudden brake ,turn on the hazard lights and then give a fuming look at him/her.

6. Handsfree Kits

I never heard of them. Are there really devices that go into your ear and allow you to make calls without taking out the phone in your hands? You have got to be kidding me. Such things haven’t hit the Dubai markets i suppose ;). Hope these new inventions do come to Dubai soon, I wanna become a safe driver.

7. Flashing

I have a xenon lamp. Shouldn’t I show it off to the car in front of me if he is goign a bit too slower than 200kmph? You are right, its my god given right to do so. If i blind him in the process, well and good. A little less traffic to drive through tomorrow night. Might as well turn on my fog lamps while I’m at it.

8. Traffic Lights

Shit, I’m 5 mins late already and the signal is already flashing green.There is still time, i can make it through…. and yes, i have crossed the signal while it was still flashing green (though red light looks a lot like green these days).Now let me try justifying it a little bit in my mind. Nope, that was totally suicidal. At least no cop was watching, nor were there traffic cameras at that signal. I better be careful at the next signal then. Don’t wanna get my car impounded.